I found a 3 bedroom townhouse in Novi that as soon as it is flipped we can start moving into. They are running a special where you don't pay the September pro-rate so I think I'm going to take advantage of this extra unexpected time and paint before we move in. I'm super excited about this. I rarely paint because it is such a pain in the butt, but Mitch's mom has offered to help and I really want to make this feel like home. Painting really makes a big difference I think. That and I'm really considering buying a new living room set. The couch I have now is almost, gosh...10 years old (time flies when your having fun!) and I'm about done with it. The hideaway bed is now too uncomfortable to really be a choice and even the once very firm cushions are beginning to take on the wear patterns of the many butts they have touched. The last two years have really worn hard on the couch. It's been great, but I think our time has come. On the other hand, I don't really need to spend over a thousand dollars on a new set. Oh see, Mitch and I had some time the other night and dropped by ArtVan...and fell in love with a brown faux leather set. I didn't think I was much of chaise lounge person...but oh man, that is my spot! They waive the interest until 2012 - does that make it better? I think it is a good choice. It all plays into my 'new home' feel too. That is so domesticated of me. Isn't it crazy how you can feel so very different depending on where you are at in your life. A year ago I would have told you that spending money on a new set is completely ridiculous when I have a functioning couch right now. And for some reason I now feel that a new couch set will somehow make my new home feel better. I recognize how stupidly materialistic this is, but I can't help it. I told myself once I went back to work I'd buy the new car after babying my old one around the country. I also said for years that the college dorm looking furniture was good enough while I get out of debt and repay my loans. The loans aren't repaid, and in fact now I've got hospital bills to add to it, but a new living room set will somehow make me feel more complete and in order. I know this thought is completely insane.
So any-who, the housing dilemma is solved and so too is the child care issue. I found a lady who watches children out of her home. I went and visited her house during the day to see her interactions with the children, the condition of her home, etc. and well, it looked like an at home day care provider's house. I don't know...how can you? I wish I had a relative or someone close that I could without a doubt trust. Really though, even then sometimes bad things happen. Positive thoughts...everything is going to be great! He will only be there for three days when Mitch goes into work (11 or 12) and then until I get out (5). I'm trying to get my boss to let me switch my hours to get out at 4 but it doesn't look good. I really thought about working on 3, but the out at 4 idea went over like a ton of bricks so I'll let it go for now. Ey-yi-ay!
Even though things are shaping up logistically I still feel pretty out of control. Things at work are a bit crazy. I can't even get into it all, and I seriously don't want to spend time blogging about the details of that crap! I'm just really stressed out man! I find myself getting angry and frustrated. I wonder if this is some postpartum depression symptoms. Mitch is helpful and does a great job with Elba, but I still feel like I'm doing everything. And I know it is small things, but sometimes I get so stupidly angry about the trash piled at the front door to be taken out or other little things. I also feel like we aren't communicating very well. Like, he will say something that I take the wrong way or visa verse. We fight less now than ever but every fight...and really I should say mis-communication or something because 'fight' doesn't seem to explain the little jumble of words I'm referencing - but it really bothers me. Like I feel really hurt or frustrated or really doubt the longevity of the relationship when something that I know is relatively minor comes up...like I have no tolerance for it. Is this hormones? Is this PPD? Is this just my personality? Is this regular adjustments to the huge changes of life we just experienced? I sometimes feel totally out of whack, like not me! Let me clear though, for anyone reading this and thinking I'm losing it...I do not have any bad thoughts about the baby or anything like that. In fact, when it comes to him I have infinite patience and love. Outside of the realm of Elba and my caring for him, things feel out of control though. I mention this because I know that is a serious symptom of PPD and I want to be very clear that isn't the case at all. It's just everyone else that sometimes I want to reach out and slap! :)
Okay, whats new baby-wise? He has started drooling a lot lately as well as spitting up, which didn't happen much before. I think it's normal. He is permanently with a bib now though. He goes in two days to the pediatrician for his second set of shots, which is supposed to be pretty terrible. Not looking forward to that. He is sleeping much better, although we still have bad nights, like last night when Mitch was up until 3:30pm with him. I was snug in bed with earplugs! Oh that's enough for now...I'm done typing!
I think it must be our lot in life, as the moms, to feel like we're doing everything probably because we are! (Especially when it comes to managing household order like cleaning and whatnot.) Why is that exactly?? Is it an insane desire to prove that we can continue to successfully manage the household in spite of the new baby responsibility?
ReplyDeleteWell, I am proud to say that my standards have been relaxed significantly. Funny how having kids around makes you not sweat the small stuff (as much). For the stuff that absolutely does have to happen though, maybe you might experiment with assigned duties or rotating chores with Mitch? Boy I can't tell you how many times I would end up melting down and crying over stupid shit like having to mow the lawn all the time. Sometimes what's needed is a heart-to-heart about what's actually a priority and then who's going to do it. Cause no doubt, kids are here to mess with your program!! ;)
Re: the relationship -- I truly think that a child is the biggest stressor that can be introduced into a couple's life, and sometimes it makes us say/do things we wouldn't do otherwise and/or hurt each other. I guess the trick is to figure out how to get along and minimize any skirmishes because you're going to need each other. Big-time! :)