When things are unorganized, unclean or just not put away I feel stressed out. My house isn't dirty but I feel like my world is chaotic right now. But my world is chaotic right now; looking for a new place, day care, and the stack of dishes in the sink all make me feel that way.
I feel guilty because Mitch took the baby over to his Mom's for labor day. I worked until 4 and then came home to empty house and I loved it! I cleaned the car, had two glasses of wine, took a bath and just did nothing, despite the pile of stuff to be done. I'm getting over my need for everything to be perfect. This is one of those things that I just have gotten used to and realize that my life isn't ever going to be neat and organized for awhile. Not just getting used to it or accepting it, I'm actually not caring as much. Sure, I still have my moments and rush after work to get the dishes done, start laundry and pick up a little before Elba wakes up. But that is just maintenance. I am accepting the projects that are sitting idly by; the memory book that is accumulating a pile to be entered, the bulk of fabric waiting to be sewn into something useful; the yarn unwound together for future Christmas gifts. Because the moments of doing nothing and relaxing are far more fulfilling and enjoyable that checking of my mental boxes of accomplishments.
I still write lists, I just don't finish them always. Getting my son to smile and laugh at the goofy faces I make at him, working to provide for my family and spending some quality time with Mitch are now top priority and I let everything else fall to 'whenever it gets done'. This is a huge accomplishment for me. I think pregnancy started this. I allowed myself to say, "I don't feel like it" and gave myself some slack when it came to plans, obligation and not making commitments I wasn't sure of. Instead of being a 'yes' person and regretting it, I'm becoming a 'maybe' and 'we will see'. This is more logical honestly. I don't know how I'll feel, if the baby is cranky or what will come up. Don't get me wrong; I honor the commitments I make. I'm just more hesitant to say yes. It's funny, because this is something that used to piss me off about other people. I'm still not usually late (although I even allow for it now with the addition of baby to throw a wrench into everything) and get to where I'm supposed to be.
I'm just focusing on what is important. I'm even trying not to get too stressed about the whole moving and finding daycare thing. It will work out, I'm sure of it. It's funny, as I'm chilling out, Mitch is becoming more serious and responsible. I guess we are meeting in the middle. I'm really quite happy, albeit a little stressed; but even that I'm trying to let go. The wine helps. Haha!
Weight: 210 (seriously, time to start working out) The crazy thing is that my old clothes should fit me now...and they don't. Did I mention this already? I think with gravity and permanently wider hips I need to loose extra to fit back into my suits. I'm still wearing my maternity clothes because I don't want to buy new stuff yet. I haven't given up that I will start exercising soon.
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