Just when you think you have started to figure it out - everything changes! Professor Fussinutter is currently experiencing AIGMS disease; not surprising, I have it too. Afraid I'm Gonna Miss Something is a serious disease that has kept me quite inconvenienced at times in my adult life, but to see the symptoms in my son is quit another matter entirely. On the bright side, he is more awake and alert throughout the day. On the bad side, he is really hard to put down right now. Literally, he wants to be held and rocked, patted, etc. He will be looking out at the world through a narrow slat in one eye, clearly tired and ready to sleep, but to put him down you would think I chopped off a few toes! This is generally manageable, except when this happens at three in the morning. Thank goodness for infinite patience in Mitch and I both.
I've also found that my baby is part lizard, as he is going through his first molting! It's very confusing...everyone says something different. Go ahead and put a little lotion on him or don't because it will mess up his natural ability to make his own oils. I put a little lotion on...I had it already and if it were me, I'd want a little lotion. The lotion aside, my son scowls at me constantly. I'm trying not to take this personally. He doesn't seem to like it when I talk to him or touch him the last few days. He prefers to either be left alone or rocked quietly to sleep, patting his bottom and whispering a constant 'shhh'.
We lost the umbilical cord stump on the 8th day, July 21st. I was changing his diaper the morning after Mitch's first volunteered night duty (more on this in a second) and noticed it was gone, although it did still sort of ooze a little over the next few days. I asked Mitch if he'd noticed it and he said no, I was likely going to find in my cereal! :) Later that day as I was laying on the couch with the boy I saw it on the living room carpet.
So Mitch wasn't sure why I was so tired and miserable in the mornings. He even asked me, "Well, what are you doing, staying up and watching him sleep?" I tried to explain that even though he would be up every 2-3 hours that doesn't mean that I got that much sleep even. He learned what I meant quickly the first night he stayed up with him and all I had to do was get up to pump. He had what I can only imagine was my face that morning. I felt wonderful!
I'm not sure I said before, but Mitch got laid off a few days after getting home from the hospital. You would think this would be horrible. This was wonderful for me. I love him being home with me. This is a lot of work, this having a baby...and I absolutely LOVE him being home, especially that I don't feel guilty for waking him in the middle of the night to help with a feeding, or when he takes the early morning shift and lets me sleep in a few hours. I have a new found respect and admiration for this man in my life.
So, we joke that my son hates me, like Stewie from Family Guy. It doesn't help that he has a scowl generally and it worsens when you make eye contact. I can't wait until he can smile and I know he is happy. I have cut dairy and caffeine out of my diet as it is making him colicky. Since doing that, the last couple of days have been better. We had a few nights of horror with unrelenting screaming like we were chopping his legs off or something. We tried everything; the vacuum, a walk, etc. and they all worked to put him to sleep, but he would jolt awake after 15 minutes screaming again. Then I broke another rule and brought him to bed with me. He slept for 4 hours! Hallelujah - breaking the rules rocks!
Weight: 218
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
1 Week Old
Today Elba is one week old! What an incredible week it has been. When we came home from the hospital we had our first small emergency. There have been a few of those! We didn't grab the last of the bandages with Vaseline from the hospital for the circumcision. Of course, it was mid-changing when we realized this. So, Mitch heads out to CVS while I am tasked with the job of making sure the site stays dry and clean. Oh, did I mention Elba was hungry and needed to nurse? This equals screaming baby! Another really exciting moment was one in which I left Elba diaper-less on the changing table and he rocketed liquid poop more than a foot as he lay on his side! I've never seen anything like it. I couldn't stop laughing, but Mitch was less than pleased.
I've had my own struggles; I still have constipation pretty badly despite taking Metamucil three times a day. My incision site is healing very well, but the process of getting up and down is still pretty painful. There is this stabbing pain I get on both sides of my lower abdomen every time I stand up that is enough to make me suck my breath in each time. Engorgement was relieved with hot shower, pump and cold compress treatments. That was crazy and unexpected. Because we were having so many problems with nursing after the initial engorgement and cracked/bleeding nipples, I decided to just start pumping and we would begin bottle feeding. This seemed easiest and inevitable. Mitch really wanted to be a part of feedings (and I'd appreciate the help), and with my having to be back to work in a month anyways...it just seemed the right answer. Elba had his first pediatrician visit yesterday to make sure everything worked and looked good (he is doing great - even almost back to birth weight). I asked about milk production increasing as his needs did and she said it should, but him actually nursing is a big part of that and I should try to nurse at least once a day. Since then, I put him back to breast and he took to it again, without issue!
Last night Mitch and I were able to put Elba down through the night without much hassle. He still woke every 2 hours or so, but I was able to feed him and get him and I back to bed each time. It was the best night so far (2 hours sleep, 1 hour wake, etc.), and then Mitch woke up and took the morning feeding for me; imagine my surprise when I woke up at 9am instead of 7am like I thought I would. I had a great morning which turned into a great day. I am amazed at how many sets of clothes we went through today though. He kept soaking his diapers and peeing on his clothes, despite us checking often for wetness! I am using 7th Generation Newborn Chlorine Free diapers right now that seem a little thin and maybe when we switch the the size one diapers next this will get a little better. We only have a few of these left and I'll start him on the size 1 Huggies I have lined up next tomorrow.
My weight today is 223.5 lbs - breastfeeding rocks!
I've had my own struggles; I still have constipation pretty badly despite taking Metamucil three times a day. My incision site is healing very well, but the process of getting up and down is still pretty painful. There is this stabbing pain I get on both sides of my lower abdomen every time I stand up that is enough to make me suck my breath in each time. Engorgement was relieved with hot shower, pump and cold compress treatments. That was crazy and unexpected. Because we were having so many problems with nursing after the initial engorgement and cracked/bleeding nipples, I decided to just start pumping and we would begin bottle feeding. This seemed easiest and inevitable. Mitch really wanted to be a part of feedings (and I'd appreciate the help), and with my having to be back to work in a month anyways...it just seemed the right answer. Elba had his first pediatrician visit yesterday to make sure everything worked and looked good (he is doing great - even almost back to birth weight). I asked about milk production increasing as his needs did and she said it should, but him actually nursing is a big part of that and I should try to nurse at least once a day. Since then, I put him back to breast and he took to it again, without issue!
Last night Mitch and I were able to put Elba down through the night without much hassle. He still woke every 2 hours or so, but I was able to feed him and get him and I back to bed each time. It was the best night so far (2 hours sleep, 1 hour wake, etc.), and then Mitch woke up and took the morning feeding for me; imagine my surprise when I woke up at 9am instead of 7am like I thought I would. I had a great morning which turned into a great day. I am amazed at how many sets of clothes we went through today though. He kept soaking his diapers and peeing on his clothes, despite us checking often for wetness! I am using 7th Generation Newborn Chlorine Free diapers right now that seem a little thin and maybe when we switch the the size one diapers next this will get a little better. We only have a few of these left and I'll start him on the size 1 Huggies I have lined up next tomorrow.
My weight today is 223.5 lbs - breastfeeding rocks!
Friday, July 16, 2010
Home Sweet Home
Beaumont hospital staff is wonderful and I think their facility is stellar; let me first say that while I'm thinking over my stay there. They have three shifts of two nurses per day that each come in and introduce themselves, and write their phone numbers on my room's dry erase board to be at my beck and call. This also equals a lot of people poking, prodding, wiping, changing and inspecting me. If I every had any modesty issues they are gone now. Those went out the door the first day when I had to be walked to the bathroom by a nurse who held my catheter and IV line aside while I wobbled over, fluids gushing just after standing up (this actually scared Mitch quite a bit; he thought I was hemorrhaging and might die-it was a lot!), changed my garments for me and washed me up. I really was quite incapable of doing anything, including feeling embarrassment or anything other than complete respect and adoration for this lady whom I was completely dependent on in that moment.
After the surgery, we all were taken into a recovery room which was a transitional room before the final recovery room I'd spend the next 3 nights in. Mitch went to go get Janet and Damie. Janet came in with tears and was the second person to hold Elba. Then Damie held him for a bit too. At this point I was still very numb and even my left hand was pins and needles. I wasn't allowed to hold him yet. A nurse came in and helped me breast feed. She sort of held him above me, holding his head above my breast. Not quite the way I'd imagined it, but still within the half hour they recommend. The rest of Tuesday we all just enjoyed our new arrival, all taking turns holding and cuddling the baby. I was put on morphine and was really thirsty. I was only allowed to eat ice chips and sip water because I guess after taking out pieces of your insides and putting them back in it takes a little while for things to work again. Well, I ate too many ice chips and ended up throwing up a bit. I told the nurse this because I'm honest and wanted them to know in case it was important. I told her was only a little bit and had a lot to do with me sitting up and moving around too quickly also. She said okay and helped me to the bathroom. I was almost back to my bed when I puked again...but a lot more than a little. The ice chips and water were taken away from me until the next day. :(
I couldn't wait to get home to sleep because I hardly did any of that in the hospital. There is constantly someone coming in to check on you, instruct you, give you papers to sign, check the baby, etc. Between that and the feedings and changings of me and baby...it was exhausting. Elba hated the plastic crib thing that he was supposed to be put to sleep in, so at night I had to hold him. Only you aren't allowed to fall asleep with the baby in bed so there was no sleeping for me.
Elba took well to nursing, except that he would stop and pull back sometimes to only suck on the nipple after a while, which yields sore, bleeding nipples. This had just started when I then also became engorged. Elba didn't eat almost all day when my milk came in because of the circumcision. This was a very frustrating day for both of us. He couldn't quit latch and I didn't know what to do. This was in the middle of the night when he finally wanted to each so the lactation consultant wasn't there. The nurse did her best to help me and suggested I pump and cup feed him. This worked reasonably well, but I was concerned with a longer term solution.
We opted to participate in the Michigan Infant Screening (the heel stick) where they test for a bunch of different things. I was surprised they didn't take him out of the room for this. Mitch and I both had a hard time while they stabbed and squeezed the heels of our baby boy. I definitely got to hear his 'pain' or 'scared' cry which was different than his 'hungry' cry - I had to go into the bathroom because I started to cry. There were also a few other moments these first days that I cried; just looking at my son brought on some tears of happiness.
Thanks to everyone that came to visit in the hospital! Grandma Toni and Grandpa Tom came into town Thursday night to visit and were taking Damie back with them to Chicago Friday. Friday was a hectic morning and afternoon for me as I was getting everything ready, waiting for the cracked out lactation consultant that proved to be useless to come, and needing to take the first bowel movement otherwise they were threatening me with a suppository. I was being cranky with Mitch and just wanted to go home. The sweating also had started so I was feeling gross and wanted to just get home, shower and relax! We checked out by 12:30, said our goodbyes and I was in the car heading home with our new bundle. I cried on the way home too; a good cry, not a bad cry! :) What an emotional experience.
Weight at home - 241.5 lbs
After the surgery, we all were taken into a recovery room which was a transitional room before the final recovery room I'd spend the next 3 nights in. Mitch went to go get Janet and Damie. Janet came in with tears and was the second person to hold Elba. Then Damie held him for a bit too. At this point I was still very numb and even my left hand was pins and needles. I wasn't allowed to hold him yet. A nurse came in and helped me breast feed. She sort of held him above me, holding his head above my breast. Not quite the way I'd imagined it, but still within the half hour they recommend. The rest of Tuesday we all just enjoyed our new arrival, all taking turns holding and cuddling the baby. I was put on morphine and was really thirsty. I was only allowed to eat ice chips and sip water because I guess after taking out pieces of your insides and putting them back in it takes a little while for things to work again. Well, I ate too many ice chips and ended up throwing up a bit. I told the nurse this because I'm honest and wanted them to know in case it was important. I told her was only a little bit and had a lot to do with me sitting up and moving around too quickly also. She said okay and helped me to the bathroom. I was almost back to my bed when I puked again...but a lot more than a little. The ice chips and water were taken away from me until the next day. :(
I couldn't wait to get home to sleep because I hardly did any of that in the hospital. There is constantly someone coming in to check on you, instruct you, give you papers to sign, check the baby, etc. Between that and the feedings and changings of me and baby...it was exhausting. Elba hated the plastic crib thing that he was supposed to be put to sleep in, so at night I had to hold him. Only you aren't allowed to fall asleep with the baby in bed so there was no sleeping for me.
Elba took well to nursing, except that he would stop and pull back sometimes to only suck on the nipple after a while, which yields sore, bleeding nipples. This had just started when I then also became engorged. Elba didn't eat almost all day when my milk came in because of the circumcision. This was a very frustrating day for both of us. He couldn't quit latch and I didn't know what to do. This was in the middle of the night when he finally wanted to each so the lactation consultant wasn't there. The nurse did her best to help me and suggested I pump and cup feed him. This worked reasonably well, but I was concerned with a longer term solution.
We opted to participate in the Michigan Infant Screening (the heel stick) where they test for a bunch of different things. I was surprised they didn't take him out of the room for this. Mitch and I both had a hard time while they stabbed and squeezed the heels of our baby boy. I definitely got to hear his 'pain' or 'scared' cry which was different than his 'hungry' cry - I had to go into the bathroom because I started to cry. There were also a few other moments these first days that I cried; just looking at my son brought on some tears of happiness.
Thanks to everyone that came to visit in the hospital! Grandma Toni and Grandpa Tom came into town Thursday night to visit and were taking Damie back with them to Chicago Friday. Friday was a hectic morning and afternoon for me as I was getting everything ready, waiting for the cracked out lactation consultant that proved to be useless to come, and needing to take the first bowel movement otherwise they were threatening me with a suppository. I was being cranky with Mitch and just wanted to go home. The sweating also had started so I was feeling gross and wanted to just get home, shower and relax! We checked out by 12:30, said our goodbyes and I was in the car heading home with our new bundle. I cried on the way home too; a good cry, not a bad cry! :) What an emotional experience.
Weight at home - 241.5 lbs
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Week 41 - The New Arrival
Okay, so here goes the long story of the birth of Elba Aden Trowbridge II:
Monday morning, July 12 I woke at 7:20 am with a contraction that felt different from any I'd felt before. I fell back asleep but about 20 minutes later the same thing happen. I thought this might be the beginning of something. The pain itself wasn't it, and looking back now; gosh, it was really nothing pain wise, but this contraction lasted a little longer (maybe 5 seconds total) than anything I'd felt so far, which had mostly felt like menstrual cramps. At this point almost daily Mitch has been asking me, "Are you going to have my baby today?" This morning I said, "maybe". I told him what was going on and we both agreed that we shouldn't jump the gun though and went to work.
It occurred to me to start writing down contraction times at about 10:30AM. They stayed the same until about 2PM although they were slightly becoming a little more painful. They stayed about 8-15 minutes apart until a little before 3:30PM. I had two contractions that were six minutes apart and started to wrap things up at work for the day. I told my boss finally that I was heading home before I got stuck at work. My boss is pretty great and was more stressed than I was I think throughout the day. She would come in for constant updates and at one point said something like, "I can't handle this, do you have any chocolate?" I told it would be okay and asked if she needed to go home or if she was alright. We have a good relationship. :) Maybe I'm nuts for even going in to work, but really the other option was to stay home and drive myself crazy.
Okay, so when I got home Mitch and Damie were there and I told them to get the last minute items ready and to get things by the door because I was pretty sure we were going to be leaving for the hospital today. From 3:30 to about 8PM I was having contractions still 5-10 minutes apart and getting more painful. Damie and went for a walk to CVS. I didn't need anything, but I hoped walking would help speed things up. I was definitely every 5 minutes by the time I got home and they were painful enough that I wasn't quite able to talk through it. I called my Dr. and was told to go to the hospital and get checked. We loaded the car and off we went, well....after we had to turn around once because Mitch forgot his wallet! Haha
Mitch and I went into triage at about 10:30PM and I was examined. I had already been thinking about what I might be able to have for pain. I still wanted to not have the epidural but I thought something to take the edge off might be nice. The nurse hooked me up to monitors and told me I was only 2cm. She said she had to get me to 3 to admit me and talk about pain management options with my doctor. Okay, I said. So, in she goes and apparently manually got me to 3cm. I was not expecting this, although I guess I'm not really sure what she meant or had in mind, and I certainly wasn't expecting that much pain from the 'stretching'(?) she was doing. She seemed to enjoy my pain. I didn't like her much after that. Or that I had to sit there for an hour while they tried to contact my doctor. That hour was horrible and what the nurse told me was now I was in active labor. Every contraction was increasingly more painful and difficult to get through. I really underestimated the pain. Mitch had to remind me to keep breathing. I kept wanting to hold my breath. They were coming so quickly too, every 1-3 minutes...the thought of doing this for hours was totally overwhelming to me. I talked to the nurse about pain management options, but in the back of my head I already knew that I would get an epidural as soon as possible. My desire going into this was to go natural all the way. This logically made sense to me and I was pretty passionate and adamant about sticking to what I wanted - until the reality of the pain hit me like a truck!
The epidural was fairly painless. I was so nervous I would move or jump too much. It felt odd, that is the only way to describe it. Not painful, just weird. The anesthesiologist said I did fine though. It kicked in right away, I got set up on the two belly monitors (one for contractions, the other for baby's heart rate). Janet (Mitch's mom) arrived and I greeted her with a smile! I got itchy and felt stoned, but that was a thousand times easier to deal with than the contractions. I could watch a contraction happening on the monitor and feel nothing. This was awesome; this kind of active labor I could do! It was 12:30AM.
The hospital staff told us all to rest and sleep if we could. What a joke! Mitch and Damie were out for the next 8 or so hours. Janet fitfully slept I think and often was up asking if I was okay. It was impossible for me to sleep. The automatic blood pressure cuff goes off every so often and then tons of people keep coming in and asking questions, introducing themselves, checking this or that. At some point they decided to break my water. Soon after they did Elba's heart rate starting dropping. They put me on oxygen and started me on a saline internal pump because they thought he was laying on the umbilical cord after the water broke. I also had to be switched over to internal monitors as well as had been given a catheter earlier. I had I think 4 different wires and tubes coming out of me! I often gushed the saline/amniotic fluid often so I was constantly being changed and checked for dry linen and towels.
Around 5:30 or so I was starting to feel pressure in my bottom as well as some pain as the epidural was wearing off again. I asked to be checked and was found to be at 8cm! Oh boy, things were gonna get rolling here soon I thought. I know on average it takes a centimeter an hour however it can be a lot faster and often is. I asked for more epidural and they said no because they didn't want me too numb. An hour later I asked to be checked again because I was again having to moan through contractions, forcing myself to remember to breath. I was still at 8 - oh no! They also found that Elba was upside down. He was 'Sunny Side Up' looking up at the ceiling instead of the floor like he should. This makes sense, as I was also having some hip pain which was hurting more because I couldn't change positions. Elba also apparently only liked me to be on one side and his heart rate would drop when I tried to roll onto my right side. The on call doctor said that my doctor would be here at 7AM so I might actually have her here to deliver the baby. She was witness to a contraction and agreed to give me more epidural. About 7:30 my doctor came in and I made a joke about not being able to keep my appointment today with her at noon where we were going to talk about induction options since I was a week overdue.
She checked me and I was still at 8 - NOT good. Not only was he sunny side up, but he also had descended into the birth canal and wanted to come out, bumping my cervix with his head, causing a cervical lip basically of inflamed tissue that makes labor harder. She propped me into a position so that the baby might turn over the right way. I also agreed to start Pitocin. This was truly my choice. The doctor knew I didn't want pit originally and she said she'd wait all day...she said she was concerned though about the other small things but if I never got to 10 that didn't matter. She said the writing was already on the wall for a C-section. After another hour of nothing going on I agreed.
Mitch was able to come in with me but they did put up the big blue barrier so he couldn't see anything. I was shaking uncontrollable the entire time. My teeth were chattering. I tried to relax, to think of something else other than that I was being split open and my baby was being extracted from me. Mitch was holding my hand and whispering quietly to me that I was doing great and he was so proud of me. I just have to say that he was incredible the entire time. His support was amazing when I needed it and he reassured me the whole way. This process brought a whole different kind of intimacy between us that is so powerful.
Okay, back to the story! At 9:46AM July 13th Elba Aden Trowbridge II was born into this world weighing 9 lbs and was 22 inches long. Mitch was able to look over the curtain for a moment and see him laying on my chest. They showed me via mirror too, but it wasn't until he let loose that first cry that tears just started streaming down my face. My eyes are leaking now just recounting the story...what an intense emotional experience. The doctor told me at that point that she was glad we didn't even start pushing or anything because it wasn't possible that I would have been able to push him out because of his position. He was leading with his forehead also instead of tucking his chin like he should have. They wrapped him up and gave him to Mitch. It was hard for me to really see him very well and what I did see was sort of a big puffy red face that didn't resemble anything familiar. It sounds strange but it didn't really sink in that that was MY child...he looked so weird and strange. Maybe this is another thing that from having the cesarean and not releasing those hormones and all that would have been different.
Looking back, I wonder if the epidural might have caused the stall, or if I would have been in active labor for 10 hours if I hadn't taken it. But I also know that I really was thinking with each contraction that I didn't know how I'd get through the next one. I'm disappointed that I wasn't able to deliver vaginally, and hope that next time maybe things will be different. I know that often labor is a lot faster with a second birth also. I still feel the same about natural child birth (is that weird?) and I would like to try again...maybe next time with the professional help of a midwife, a tub to get in and out of, and maybe try to re-commit myself through education and practice. I don't have regrets about any of the decisions I made though, and I'm glad I got the epidural knowing know I couldn't have pushed him out. that would be an awful lot of pain to endure to then still have had to get the C section.
I'll wrap this entry up here, with just the birth story...but really there is so much more I want to write about. I'm finishing writing this on Elba's 5th day of life and have so much more to add than just the birth story, but for now...that is all you get (and mostly because he is starting to fuss in the swing and I know he is ready for a feeding; as I already said, he is the boss of me!)
I think my weight was right about 250 lbs going into the hospital.
Monday morning, July 12 I woke at 7:20 am with a contraction that felt different from any I'd felt before. I fell back asleep but about 20 minutes later the same thing happen. I thought this might be the beginning of something. The pain itself wasn't it, and looking back now; gosh, it was really nothing pain wise, but this contraction lasted a little longer (maybe 5 seconds total) than anything I'd felt so far, which had mostly felt like menstrual cramps. At this point almost daily Mitch has been asking me, "Are you going to have my baby today?" This morning I said, "maybe". I told him what was going on and we both agreed that we shouldn't jump the gun though and went to work.
It occurred to me to start writing down contraction times at about 10:30AM. They stayed the same until about 2PM although they were slightly becoming a little more painful. They stayed about 8-15 minutes apart until a little before 3:30PM. I had two contractions that were six minutes apart and started to wrap things up at work for the day. I told my boss finally that I was heading home before I got stuck at work. My boss is pretty great and was more stressed than I was I think throughout the day. She would come in for constant updates and at one point said something like, "I can't handle this, do you have any chocolate?" I told it would be okay and asked if she needed to go home or if she was alright. We have a good relationship. :) Maybe I'm nuts for even going in to work, but really the other option was to stay home and drive myself crazy.
Okay, so when I got home Mitch and Damie were there and I told them to get the last minute items ready and to get things by the door because I was pretty sure we were going to be leaving for the hospital today. From 3:30 to about 8PM I was having contractions still 5-10 minutes apart and getting more painful. Damie and went for a walk to CVS. I didn't need anything, but I hoped walking would help speed things up. I was definitely every 5 minutes by the time I got home and they were painful enough that I wasn't quite able to talk through it. I called my Dr. and was told to go to the hospital and get checked. We loaded the car and off we went, well....after we had to turn around once because Mitch forgot his wallet! Haha
Mitch and I went into triage at about 10:30PM and I was examined. I had already been thinking about what I might be able to have for pain. I still wanted to not have the epidural but I thought something to take the edge off might be nice. The nurse hooked me up to monitors and told me I was only 2cm. She said she had to get me to 3 to admit me and talk about pain management options with my doctor. Okay, I said. So, in she goes and apparently manually got me to 3cm. I was not expecting this, although I guess I'm not really sure what she meant or had in mind, and I certainly wasn't expecting that much pain from the 'stretching'(?) she was doing. She seemed to enjoy my pain. I didn't like her much after that. Or that I had to sit there for an hour while they tried to contact my doctor. That hour was horrible and what the nurse told me was now I was in active labor. Every contraction was increasingly more painful and difficult to get through. I really underestimated the pain. Mitch had to remind me to keep breathing. I kept wanting to hold my breath. They were coming so quickly too, every 1-3 minutes...the thought of doing this for hours was totally overwhelming to me. I talked to the nurse about pain management options, but in the back of my head I already knew that I would get an epidural as soon as possible. My desire going into this was to go natural all the way. This logically made sense to me and I was pretty passionate and adamant about sticking to what I wanted - until the reality of the pain hit me like a truck!
The epidural was fairly painless. I was so nervous I would move or jump too much. It felt odd, that is the only way to describe it. Not painful, just weird. The anesthesiologist said I did fine though. It kicked in right away, I got set up on the two belly monitors (one for contractions, the other for baby's heart rate). Janet (Mitch's mom) arrived and I greeted her with a smile! I got itchy and felt stoned, but that was a thousand times easier to deal with than the contractions. I could watch a contraction happening on the monitor and feel nothing. This was awesome; this kind of active labor I could do! It was 12:30AM.
The hospital staff told us all to rest and sleep if we could. What a joke! Mitch and Damie were out for the next 8 or so hours. Janet fitfully slept I think and often was up asking if I was okay. It was impossible for me to sleep. The automatic blood pressure cuff goes off every so often and then tons of people keep coming in and asking questions, introducing themselves, checking this or that. At some point they decided to break my water. Soon after they did Elba's heart rate starting dropping. They put me on oxygen and started me on a saline internal pump because they thought he was laying on the umbilical cord after the water broke. I also had to be switched over to internal monitors as well as had been given a catheter earlier. I had I think 4 different wires and tubes coming out of me! I often gushed the saline/amniotic fluid often so I was constantly being changed and checked for dry linen and towels.
Around 5:30 or so I was starting to feel pressure in my bottom as well as some pain as the epidural was wearing off again. I asked to be checked and was found to be at 8cm! Oh boy, things were gonna get rolling here soon I thought. I know on average it takes a centimeter an hour however it can be a lot faster and often is. I asked for more epidural and they said no because they didn't want me too numb. An hour later I asked to be checked again because I was again having to moan through contractions, forcing myself to remember to breath. I was still at 8 - oh no! They also found that Elba was upside down. He was 'Sunny Side Up' looking up at the ceiling instead of the floor like he should. This makes sense, as I was also having some hip pain which was hurting more because I couldn't change positions. Elba also apparently only liked me to be on one side and his heart rate would drop when I tried to roll onto my right side. The on call doctor said that my doctor would be here at 7AM so I might actually have her here to deliver the baby. She was witness to a contraction and agreed to give me more epidural. About 7:30 my doctor came in and I made a joke about not being able to keep my appointment today with her at noon where we were going to talk about induction options since I was a week overdue.
She checked me and I was still at 8 - NOT good. Not only was he sunny side up, but he also had descended into the birth canal and wanted to come out, bumping my cervix with his head, causing a cervical lip basically of inflamed tissue that makes labor harder. She propped me into a position so that the baby might turn over the right way. I also agreed to start Pitocin. This was truly my choice. The doctor knew I didn't want pit originally and she said she'd wait all day...she said she was concerned though about the other small things but if I never got to 10 that didn't matter. She said the writing was already on the wall for a C-section. After another hour of nothing going on I agreed.
Mitch was able to come in with me but they did put up the big blue barrier so he couldn't see anything. I was shaking uncontrollable the entire time. My teeth were chattering. I tried to relax, to think of something else other than that I was being split open and my baby was being extracted from me. Mitch was holding my hand and whispering quietly to me that I was doing great and he was so proud of me. I just have to say that he was incredible the entire time. His support was amazing when I needed it and he reassured me the whole way. This process brought a whole different kind of intimacy between us that is so powerful.
Okay, back to the story! At 9:46AM July 13th Elba Aden Trowbridge II was born into this world weighing 9 lbs and was 22 inches long. Mitch was able to look over the curtain for a moment and see him laying on my chest. They showed me via mirror too, but it wasn't until he let loose that first cry that tears just started streaming down my face. My eyes are leaking now just recounting the story...what an intense emotional experience. The doctor told me at that point that she was glad we didn't even start pushing or anything because it wasn't possible that I would have been able to push him out because of his position. He was leading with his forehead also instead of tucking his chin like he should have. They wrapped him up and gave him to Mitch. It was hard for me to really see him very well and what I did see was sort of a big puffy red face that didn't resemble anything familiar. It sounds strange but it didn't really sink in that that was MY child...he looked so weird and strange. Maybe this is another thing that from having the cesarean and not releasing those hormones and all that would have been different.
Looking back, I wonder if the epidural might have caused the stall, or if I would have been in active labor for 10 hours if I hadn't taken it. But I also know that I really was thinking with each contraction that I didn't know how I'd get through the next one. I'm disappointed that I wasn't able to deliver vaginally, and hope that next time maybe things will be different. I know that often labor is a lot faster with a second birth also. I still feel the same about natural child birth (is that weird?) and I would like to try again...maybe next time with the professional help of a midwife, a tub to get in and out of, and maybe try to re-commit myself through education and practice. I don't have regrets about any of the decisions I made though, and I'm glad I got the epidural knowing know I couldn't have pushed him out. that would be an awful lot of pain to endure to then still have had to get the C section.
I'll wrap this entry up here, with just the birth story...but really there is so much more I want to write about. I'm finishing writing this on Elba's 5th day of life and have so much more to add than just the birth story, but for now...that is all you get (and mostly because he is starting to fuss in the swing and I know he is ready for a feeding; as I already said, he is the boss of me!)
I think my weight was right about 250 lbs going into the hospital.
Friday, July 9, 2010
2-5 Days Overdue
My friend Josh and I share this joke that I'm the boss of everyone. I have however found that I'm the boss of everyone except the baby clutching onto my insides while I try to shake him free - too much of a visual there? :) I really do imagine he looks like Santa Claus finding that someone left a fire on at the bottom of the chimney and he has braced himself; arms, legs and back wedged against all sides of my cervix stating that he 'aint going anywhere yet'. I tried creative visualization last night. My visions of opening flowers are apparently not strong enough to ellicit any kind of action.
Neil, my step-father headed back to Illinois last night.
Every twinge my uterus makes I am hopefull that it is the start of labor. Every time I use the bathroom or shower I'm eagerly awaiting the sight of the plug (gross, but true)! Every morning this week I've woken and gotten dressed for work I wonder if it will be last. I wonder if I won't even have the baby until my Grandparents are driving back from Maryland to Chicago on the 14th. I imagined them visiting me at home after a week of recovery instead of potentially at the hospital.
I'm ready to start punching people out at work. Not just for asking when I'm gonna have the baby (really, like I'm crossing my legs and not letting him out!) but also because I think pregnancy hormones are starting make me grouchy. Really, I'm a bit more short tempered and iritable I think. I know, like duh! but I've been really good I think up until this last week. I'M DONE - I'm done being a good sport about pregnancy and everything else! Oh man, fingers are crossed and bets are being made that sometime over the weekend it will happen. I hope so! Mitch and I were just talking about what he will look like and I can't wait to see the little buggaroo!
Neil, my step-father headed back to Illinois last night.
Every twinge my uterus makes I am hopefull that it is the start of labor. Every time I use the bathroom or shower I'm eagerly awaiting the sight of the plug (gross, but true)! Every morning this week I've woken and gotten dressed for work I wonder if it will be last. I wonder if I won't even have the baby until my Grandparents are driving back from Maryland to Chicago on the 14th. I imagined them visiting me at home after a week of recovery instead of potentially at the hospital.
I'm ready to start punching people out at work. Not just for asking when I'm gonna have the baby (really, like I'm crossing my legs and not letting him out!) but also because I think pregnancy hormones are starting make me grouchy. Really, I'm a bit more short tempered and iritable I think. I know, like duh! but I've been really good I think up until this last week. I'M DONE - I'm done being a good sport about pregnancy and everything else! Oh man, fingers are crossed and bets are being made that sometime over the weekend it will happen. I hope so! Mitch and I were just talking about what he will look like and I can't wait to see the little buggaroo!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Week 40 - Show me the BABY!
So there I was, the night of July 3rd, I got home from a friend's birthday BBQ and I started having contractions and things were looking exciting! I even called Mitch (who had stayed at the get together) to warn him I might be calling for him to come home if this kept up, fingers crossed. I knew what to do, they all say get sleep while you can! It was 11:30 PM so I went to go to sleep, wondering if I might wake in a few hours with a wet bed or something. As soon as I laid down everything stopped. Damn Braxton Hicks.
July 4th - the Due Date - we went to Mitch's moms house for BBQ and awaited my step father and sister's arrival from Chicago. We fished, swam and had a good time...without even a hiccup of any kind of contractions. Damn.
July 5th - I go to work and everyone is disappointed to see me. This begins what will continue everyday, increasingly turning into even looks of disdain, "You haven't had that baby yet?!" It's on everyone's lips and faces, mocking me.
July 6th - I'm excited for my 9AM doctors appointment to confirm that at least SOMETHING is happening. Actually not, I'm not even dilating at all. Still zero, damn! They want to wait another week to see what happens. Oh man.
July 7th - I'm getting a lot of things done at work that I didn't think I'd be able to. My belly is getting even bigger and heavier...it is starting to hurt. Getting out of bed every two hours at night to pee is really starting to suck...my hips and crotch hurt most of all then. But the good news is during the day I'm not to the miserable state that so many other preggos get to at this point...I'm still smiling and going through the motions.
July 4th - the Due Date - we went to Mitch's moms house for BBQ and awaited my step father and sister's arrival from Chicago. We fished, swam and had a good time...without even a hiccup of any kind of contractions. Damn.
July 5th - I go to work and everyone is disappointed to see me. This begins what will continue everyday, increasingly turning into even looks of disdain, "You haven't had that baby yet?!" It's on everyone's lips and faces, mocking me.
July 6th - I'm excited for my 9AM doctors appointment to confirm that at least SOMETHING is happening. Actually not, I'm not even dilating at all. Still zero, damn! They want to wait another week to see what happens. Oh man.
July 7th - I'm getting a lot of things done at work that I didn't think I'd be able to. My belly is getting even bigger and heavier...it is starting to hurt. Getting out of bed every two hours at night to pee is really starting to suck...my hips and crotch hurt most of all then. But the good news is during the day I'm not to the miserable state that so many other preggos get to at this point...I'm still smiling and going through the motions.
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