I was walking over to the pool today (no comment yet on how awesome I look in my bathing suit right now!) and I was having great appreciation for family and friends. I haven't purchased anything for baby yet, and I have everything I need for now. Yeah, I know I will certainly have lots of out of pocket in a bit with whopping (mmm...I want some Whoppers, the candy kind, not the cheeseburger) hospital bills, but I'm lucky to have the support that I do to make this part easy. With having to buy a new car a few months ago and still paying off my student loans, not to mention the rest of the regular bills, money is tight...and this is just one thing that I've not had to think about...and I was thinking about that today. That I have an incredible support system of family and friends and how some people don't have that. It made me very appreciative for everyone in my life.
So, my last Tuesday doctor appointment revealed that I'm just starting to dilate, but not even to 1 yet, so still looking to be on time. I'm wondering if I might go over though. He hasn't even dropped yet, which can happen as early as the 35th week.
I was also thinking a lot about body image today. It started because as I was walking over to the pool, wearing my suit and cover-up I became aware that my thighs were rubbing together while walking. Not just a little bit up at the top which is normal for me, but the entire thigh area pretty much down to my knees. So here's the thing; this didn't bother me one bit. There was no twinge of guilt, not a negative thought at all...in fact, I felt very good that I was even walking my swollen enlarged self over to the pool to swim, in public, in a too tight bathing suit. I have really accepted my physical form that I've struggled against since senior year when I started to put on weight and into adulthood as I continued; obsessed with food, diet, exercise, etc. I haven't yo-yo'ed like Oprah, but I've gone through the stages that I suppose most people have through adulthood; put it on, take it off, try this diet or that, a cleansing fast here or there, eliminate this or only eat that; exercise commitments held then abandoned, glaring looks to the desk that binds me, or sometimes the couch. Top it off with the ever frustrating thyroid issues that make all efforts sometimes seem for naught and I've been a guilt ridden, down on myself kind of girl with moments of clarity, strength and focus for over ten years now ever since I grew out of the 32 inch waist mens jeans I wore in high school (either I didn't have a junior's section or I didn't know it existed, but men's jeans made my butt look better than the 'mom jean' alternative in the women's section. Anywho, the point of all this was that I'm now at my heaviest (I just went over my previous heaviest weight I think thanks to those aforementioned milkshakes) and I'm the happiest with my body in a long time. I don't know why this is or if any other ladies experience this thinking solely linked to pregnancy in some way, but I feel great in my adult skin for one of the first times 100%, stretch marks, cellulite and all! As much as I'm ready to be able to be limber at the waist again, I think I'm going to miss my belly. Well, I'm hungry and there is a full kitchen of assorted items calling and whispering to me that I should pick this over that, but I'm sort of in the mood for crab rangoons to be honest, but that seems like so much effort!
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