34 Weeks - Love it / Hate it

A few days ago there was a bit of a meltdown at work. Some employees of one of our partner companies were let go and instead of leaving quietly they threw a tantrum. I don't even want to go into all the details, but it was drama! My boss and I had to get involved, call the police and have them escorted out. Before the police arrived however, they were shouting, angry and lashing out even at me personally. Everything they were saying was ridiculous, but at one point I really thought one of the girls might attack me. I tried to stay very calm, not respond and really just try to diffuse the situation. I will tell you though, the adrenalin was pumping and my pulse was racing. I had just had lunch and Elba is most active after eating. That and all the excitement had him doing a dance. So since then I've been taking it easy and relaxing.

So, whats new in pregnancy land? I'm getting tired again, not as bad as the first trimester, but still pretty done by the time I get out of work. Sometimes I come home and take a nap while Mitch makes dinner, and then that means that I can stay up till maybe midnight until ten. But then I'm not sleeping very well at night, tossing and turning. Having to get up to pee a million times doesn't help especially if baby starts up when I lay back down because then I can't fall asleep. I'm getting excited about meeting my son. That sounds weird! My friend Jen just had her baby, and Mitch's friend just had his baby. My co-worker's wife is being induced this next week. Honestly, I'm pretty ready. I'm not looking forward to the next 6 weeks of TV, tiredness and feeling incredibly slothful and inactive. Or maybe that is just my feelings this week! I'm starting to not enjoy this as much. My feet and legs are pretty swollen at the end of every day now and my crotch perpetually hurts. Sounds funny, right? It feels like when you go bike riding for too long. I asked the doctor and she said it is my pelvic bones separating - nice! This was one of those new things I hadn't ever heard of.

I can deal with the physical burdens much more than the emotional ones though. I am down on myself. I have always been one to push and motivate myself to being productive and fulfilled. I have watched more TV in the past year than I think the last 10 years. I'm not joking. I had avoided cable for years and was pretty adamant that TV is a colossal waste of time. Okay I still have kept shows that I watch, but I'm more of the rent the DVD type and pretend it is a movie. I've never been a channel surfer. Now I have a DVR. I can record and watch anything I want and skip the commercials too! I have taken leaps backward! I am ready to cancel the cable again...after having the baby. But until then, I am beating myself up for being such a bum. This weekend, I had two gatherings Friday night to attend. The plan was hit one for two hours, hit the other and be back before midnight because I am working this weekend. I shouldn't have come home. I took my clothes off to change, had a bowl of cereal for dinner and faced the choice of putting clothes back on and going out and having a secret rendezvous with the couch in my jammies. Guess which won...and I feel so guilty, but on the other hand, is it excused? Can't I just stay home , shrug my shoulders and say "I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant!" and let that excuse cover any hurt feelings? Don't I get a free pass this once? Or is that just my own guilty conscience talking? Like I said, I'm pretty ready already to do this. They say a baby changes everything. I hope so!