5 Weeks - Houston, we have SMILES and COLIC!

There is nothing more amazing than seeing my son smile up at me, even giving a small coo. My son has mastered the 'social smile'; that which is elicited after my own. At first, we thought it was still gas. Mitch had me convinced that I was wrong, but then he saw it too. And now it is a sure thing; his little angelic smile lights up his face, my spirit and makes me revert to baby talk to get more!

And now I'll write about the not so pleasant. My child is officially colicky. The good news is that armed with the book, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child" I understand the predicament better, albeit there is still nothing I can do about it. I'm happy to know that the worst is likely over though, as he is reaching six weeks from the due date. I'm learning a lot about the difference between extreme colic, which is what we all think of; the incessant inconsolable crying for hours on end and another type of colic, generally ignored because it is constant fussing that would lead to crying if not for the dedicated consoling efforts of the parents. This second type is my child. Let me explain...

I think I haven't hit this topic before for two reasons. One, it is difficult to update the blog during these trying times (seriously, it was easier when I was hiking!) and I also didn't want to dwell on the negative. When Mitch and I first brought Elba home we congratulated ourselves on our perfect baby. He would wake to eat and pretty much go right back to sleep. This lasted I think a week or so I think. He became much more alert (quite to our surprise and excitement). It turns out this might not have been that much of a blessing, as now I see he probably wasn't getting as much sleep as he should. This started the night fussing. 10pm to 3am has generally been the fuss zone. I thought (and now I know a very common one) that maybe something I was doing was wrong; I cut out dairy completely as well as caffeine, we bought gas drops and experimented with the assorted soothing methods, including the bouncy chair, swing, rocker, noise machines, vacuum cleaner, running water, light on/off, quiet and daily activity noise, snugli holding, rocking, patting, driving, walking, EVERYTHING. What worked one minute or one day didn't then next or after about ten minutes. This would last hours...we were at a loss and very sleep deprived.
I never thought he was colicky because I know 'colic' means the whole crying/screaming bit and we were doing a good job of stopping it from getting that far. Elba would just be extremely agitated, get red faced, arch his back, etc. and just seem very unhappy and uncomfortable. I now know there is nothing that can be done, except for exactly what we are doing. There are many theories on what causes colic/fussiness but no for sure answers except that it occurs in 20% of infants, peaks at 6 weeks and is gone after 3 months. Aside from that, good luck...don't throw your baby out a window and do the best you can. Awesome. I never wanted to throw him out a window, but there were several late night sob sessions on my end.
When I was in Chicago for the three (?) nights, there was no crying/fussiness at night. This was right after stopping dairy, caffeine and getting the gas drops. I thought that was the solution. We were right back at it when I got home. I couldn't figure out what was different. I weaned myself back on some coffee (I had to, really) and sometimes it was all I could do to make a bowl of cereal and scarf it down, so with the addition of dairy again....nothing changed again.
At Elba's month check up we talked to the pediatrician about his night time fussiness and she suggested the above mentioned book. I downloaded it to the Kindle and I'm cramming when I can. But again, at this point there isn't much that we can do that we aren't already doing, except wait it out. It is good to have confirmation though that it isn't anything that I'm necessarily doing wrong.
Okay, its 11pm and he just started to fuss from sleep....I know where this is going...

Weight: 210

Clogged Milk Duct - WARNING THIS IS GROSS!

I really only wanted to update once a week, because not only did I not want to get too carried away and not ramble on about my mundane and somewhat chaotic motherhood experience, but also sometimes even just getting my once a week update done can be difficult. However tonight I had an experience I must write about. In fact, I should be sleeping right now because it is 2:30am, the baby is sleeping and I should be doing the same; but I just unclogged my first blocked milk duct!

So, over the last day I've been noticing the rocks on the right side don't go away after milking. Tonight it became too much and I decided I'd figure this out. I knew it was a clogged milk duct. I did a hot compress, massage and pumped a gillion times no no avail. I took a hot shower, had a glass of wine (it is supposed to help you relax and make let down easier), and tried a heating pad. I Googled it and it says that you need to try nursing in a different position so baby is sucking differently. Well, this doesn't help me, as I'm pumping exclusively these days. Well, my bathroom sink and counter is covered in milk now as I had to manually express the milk. Holy cow (no, not me; although it felt that way) that is time consuming and painful - but, WHALAH! clogged milk duct is taken care of.

But really, maybe because I don't have a penis to have practiced with all of my life, but my aim is horrible. Those crazy streams of milk have a mind of their own too. Oh well, mission accomplished. Not particularly something I thought I'd be doing tonight, but as I always said on the trail (and it's so true now in this adventure too), it could be worse!

I should also mention that pictures are updated on the Picasa website and I've uploaded three videos on the YouTube account.

4 Weeks - Broke my Back

Lots of stuff to talk about this past week. As my first day back to work (part time for a few weeks at first) has been getting closer, Mitch and I started to talk about what to do as far as child care for Elba during the day while I'm working. The long of the short is that Mitch is going to stay home with Elba during the day and decided to go to school at night for nursing. We are looking at the nursing program of several schools and likely that will impact our decision on where we go from here. I am so relieved and happy about this plan. Not only was I terrified at the thought of leaving Elba with a stranger so quickly, but also I'm so happy and excited that Mitch has decided what he wants to be when he grows up!

Speaking of our little bundle; he is teasing us with smiles! Sometimes I think it might be a real smile, but Mitch will insist that it is gas. I can't tell, but this is the right time for that milestone. Either way, it warms my heart and makes me laugh each time his big gummy mouth opens wide into a big smile.

So there was a day that I felt pretty motivated to feel accomplished in doing stuff for the day, so I went grocery shopping by myself with the boy in tow. I'd also cleaned the house during the day and made dinner when I got home. At the end of the day my knees and feet where aching...looks like I overdid it! I thought, "Okay, I'll take it easy." The very next day my back started to ache. My lower back, and each time I bent or tried to pick something up it would get a little worse. I thought, "Okay, I'll take it easy." The next morning I hurt from the moment I woke up. It was difficult to get out of bed. All day hurt as the pain spread through and up my back. That night was the worst. Every time I tried to bend and lift anything intense pain would shoot through my back. I called my doctor the next day to see if this was normal. Apparently it is common for new Mom's to strain their back as they don't their babies correctly (with their knees) and this gets compounded when you have weakened abdominal muscles from a C-section. What to do? Take a few days off of picking up anything and have a constant supply of pain killers coursing through me. That I can do. It has been two days and I'm feeling better, but still unable to bend at the waist and lift anything heavier than say ten pounds. Oh well, good excuse to have Mitch get up to get the baby for me. :)

Mitch and I had a bit of a meltdown this week too. Elba is not sleeping very well at night. His days and nights are still confused (we are working on this) and every night about 9:30-10:30 he starts getting fussy. Fussy is putting it lightly. That is when it starts, but it will last hours of nothing soothing him and despite our best efforts and attending all his needs he is not happy or content. One such night after several hours (I think around 2am) Mitch came out of the bedroom upset. I took him wrong or took exception to his attitude and we then got into it. This lead to him being angry at me as well. Without getting into all the details it was horrible and it took a few days for us to get over it and resolve our own issues with each other. This was really difficult and upsetting.

Weight - 115 (looks like it will be diet and exercise to keep up the loss at this point).

3 Weeks - Chicago

This past weekend I drove to Chicago to show off Elba to my family. 45 minutes into the trip I almost turned around and went back home when I stopped for gas and he wouldn't stop screaming. I wouldn't do this trip again alone. It was doable, but very stressful for both of us I'm sure. There were times that he would start screaming and there was nothing I could do. I tried to sing, rock the carrier one handed, put the pacifier in his mouth, even offered the bottle one handed and extremely unsafe driving practice! Any time the car stopped it was horrible. I learned from this and on the way home did everything in my power not to stop at all.

Last night I gave him his first real good bath. I'd given him a few sponge baths and even one in the sink with a towel laid down below him, but the umbilical cord was still a bit oozy so I didn't want to get his middle wet really. We got him good and clean in all his cracks last night!

I'm gonna keep this one short and work on posting updated pictures. Nothing else is really new or exciting. He is more alert, but no big milestones yet and the trip with family and friends was worth the stress. It was great to see everyone and let Elba soak up some attention while Mama got some needed rest!

Weight: 116.5

2 Weeks Down - 934 to go!

Just when you think you have started to figure it out - everything changes! Professor Fussinutter is currently experiencing AIGMS disease; not surprising, I have it too. Afraid I'm Gonna Miss Something is a serious disease that has kept me quite inconvenienced at times in my adult life, but to see the symptoms in my son is quit another matter entirely. On the bright side, he is more awake and alert throughout the day. On the bad side, he is really hard to put down right now. Literally, he wants to be held and rocked, patted, etc. He will be looking out at the world through a narrow slat in one eye, clearly tired and ready to sleep, but to put him down you would think I chopped off a few toes! This is generally manageable, except when this happens at three in the morning. Thank goodness for infinite patience in Mitch and I both.

I've also found that my baby is part lizard, as he is going through his first molting! It's very confusing...everyone says something different. Go ahead and put a little lotion on him or don't because it will mess up his natural ability to make his own oils. I put a little lotion on...I had it already and if it were me, I'd want a little lotion. The lotion aside, my son scowls at me constantly. I'm trying not to take this personally. He doesn't seem to like it when I talk to him or touch him the last few days. He prefers to either be left alone or rocked quietly to sleep, patting his bottom and whispering a constant 'shhh'.

We lost the umbilical cord stump on the 8th day, July 21st. I was changing his diaper the morning after Mitch's first volunteered night duty (more on this in a second) and noticed it was gone, although it did still sort of ooze a little over the next few days. I asked Mitch if he'd noticed it and he said no, I was likely going to find in my cereal! :) Later that day as I was laying on the couch with the boy I saw it on the living room carpet.

So Mitch wasn't sure why I was so tired and miserable in the mornings. He even asked me, "Well, what are you doing, staying up and watching him sleep?" I tried to explain that even though he would be up every 2-3 hours that doesn't mean that I got that much sleep even. He learned what I meant quickly the first night he stayed up with him and all I had to do was get up to pump. He had what I can only imagine was my face that morning. I felt wonderful!

I'm not sure I said before, but Mitch got laid off a few days after getting home from the hospital. You would think this would be horrible. This was wonderful for me. I love him being home with me. This is a lot of work, this having a baby...and I absolutely LOVE him being home, especially that I don't feel guilty for waking him in the middle of the night to help with a feeding, or when he takes the early morning shift and lets me sleep in a few hours. I have a new found respect and admiration for this man in my life.

So, we joke that my son hates me, like Stewie from Family Guy. It doesn't help that he has a scowl generally and it worsens when you make eye contact. I can't wait until he can smile and I know he is happy. I have cut dairy and caffeine out of my diet as it is making him colicky. Since doing that, the last couple of days have been better. We had a few nights of horror with unrelenting screaming like we were chopping his legs off or something. We tried everything; the vacuum, a walk, etc. and they all worked to put him to sleep, but he would jolt awake after 15 minutes screaming again. Then I broke another rule and brought him to bed with me. He slept for 4 hours! Hallelujah - breaking the rules rocks!

Weight: 218

1 Week Old

Today Elba is one week old! What an incredible week it has been. When we came home from the hospital we had our first small emergency. There have been a few of those! We didn't grab the last of the bandages with Vaseline from the hospital for the circumcision. Of course, it was mid-changing when we realized this. So, Mitch heads out to CVS while I am tasked with the job of making sure the site stays dry and clean. Oh, did I mention Elba was hungry and needed to nurse? This equals screaming baby! Another really exciting moment was one in which I left Elba diaper-less on the changing table and he rocketed liquid poop more than a foot as he lay on his side! I've never seen anything like it. I couldn't stop laughing, but Mitch was less than pleased.
I've had my own struggles; I still have constipation pretty badly despite taking Metamucil three times a day. My incision site is healing very well, but the process of getting up and down is still pretty painful. There is this stabbing pain I get on both sides of my lower abdomen every time I stand up that is enough to make me suck my breath in each time. Engorgement was relieved with hot shower, pump and cold compress treatments. That was crazy and unexpected. Because we were having so many problems with nursing after the initial engorgement and cracked/bleeding nipples, I decided to just start pumping and we would begin bottle feeding. This seemed easiest and inevitable. Mitch really wanted to be a part of feedings (and I'd appreciate the help), and with my having to be back to work in a month anyways...it just seemed the right answer. Elba had his first pediatrician visit yesterday to make sure everything worked and looked good (he is doing great - even almost back to birth weight). I asked about milk production increasing as his needs did and she said it should, but him actually nursing is a big part of that and I should try to nurse at least once a day. Since then, I put him back to breast and he took to it again, without issue!
Last night Mitch and I were able to put Elba down through the night without much hassle. He still woke every 2 hours or so, but I was able to feed him and get him and I back to bed each time. It was the best night so far (2 hours sleep, 1 hour wake, etc.), and then Mitch woke up and took the morning feeding for me; imagine my surprise when I woke up at 9am instead of 7am like I thought I would. I had a great morning which turned into a great day. I am amazed at how many sets of clothes we went through today though. He kept soaking his diapers and peeing on his clothes, despite us checking often for wetness! I am using 7th Generation Newborn Chlorine Free diapers right now that seem a little thin and maybe when we switch the the size one diapers next this will get a little better. We only have a few of these left and I'll start him on the size 1 Huggies I have lined up next tomorrow.

My weight today is 223.5 lbs - breastfeeding rocks!

Home Sweet Home

Beaumont hospital staff is wonderful and I think their facility is stellar; let me first say that while I'm thinking over my stay there. They have three shifts of two nurses per day that each come in and introduce themselves, and write their phone numbers on my room's dry erase board to be at my beck and call. This also equals a lot of people poking, prodding, wiping, changing and inspecting me. If I every had any modesty issues they are gone now. Those went out the door the first day when I had to be walked to the bathroom by a nurse who held my catheter and IV line aside while I wobbled over, fluids gushing just after standing up (this actually scared Mitch quite a bit; he thought I was hemorrhaging and might die-it was a lot!), changed my garments for me and washed me up. I really was quite incapable of doing anything, including feeling embarrassment or anything other than complete respect and adoration for this lady whom I was completely dependent on in that moment.
After the surgery, we all were taken into a recovery room which was a transitional room before the final recovery room I'd spend the next 3 nights in. Mitch went to go get Janet and Damie. Janet came in with tears and was the second person to hold Elba. Then Damie held him for a bit too. At this point I was still very numb and even my left hand was pins and needles. I wasn't allowed to hold him yet. A nurse came in and helped me breast feed. She sort of held him above me, holding his head above my breast. Not quite the way I'd imagined it, but still within the half hour they recommend. The rest of Tuesday we all just enjoyed our new arrival, all taking turns holding and cuddling the baby. I was put on morphine and was really thirsty. I was only allowed to eat ice chips and sip water because I guess after taking out pieces of your insides and putting them back in it takes a little while for things to work again. Well, I ate too many ice chips and ended up throwing up a bit. I told the nurse this because I'm honest and wanted them to know in case it was important. I told her was only a little bit and had a lot to do with me sitting up and moving around too quickly also. She said okay and helped me to the bathroom. I was almost back to my bed when I puked again...but a lot more than a little. The ice chips and water were taken away from me until the next day. :(
I couldn't wait to get home to sleep because I hardly did any of that in the hospital. There is constantly someone coming in to check on you, instruct you, give you papers to sign, check the baby, etc. Between that and the feedings and changings of me and baby...it was exhausting. Elba hated the plastic crib thing that he was supposed to be put to sleep in, so at night I had to hold him. Only you aren't allowed to fall asleep with the baby in bed so there was no sleeping for me.
Elba took well to nursing, except that he would stop and pull back sometimes to only suck on the nipple after a while, which yields sore, bleeding nipples. This had just started when I then also became engorged. Elba didn't eat almost all day when my milk came in because of the circumcision. This was a very frustrating day for both of us. He couldn't quit latch and I didn't know what to do. This was in the middle of the night when he finally wanted to each so the lactation consultant wasn't there. The nurse did her best to help me and suggested I pump and cup feed him. This worked reasonably well, but I was concerned with a longer term solution.
We opted to participate in the Michigan Infant Screening (the heel stick) where they test for a bunch of different things. I was surprised they didn't take him out of the room for this. Mitch and I both had a hard time while they stabbed and squeezed the heels of our baby boy. I definitely got to hear his 'pain' or 'scared' cry which was different than his 'hungry' cry - I had to go into the bathroom because I started to cry. There were also a few other moments these first days that I cried; just looking at my son brought on some tears of happiness.
Thanks to everyone that came to visit in the hospital! Grandma Toni and Grandpa Tom came into town Thursday night to visit and were taking Damie back with them to Chicago Friday. Friday was a hectic morning and afternoon for me as I was getting everything ready, waiting for the cracked out lactation consultant that proved to be useless to come, and needing to take the first bowel movement otherwise they were threatening me with a suppository. I was being cranky with Mitch and just wanted to go home. The sweating also had started so I was feeling gross and wanted to just get home, shower and relax! We checked out by 12:30, said our goodbyes and I was in the car heading home with our new bundle. I cried on the way home too; a good cry, not a bad cry! :) What an emotional experience.
Weight at home - 241.5 lbs