Body Image

As I said, I've started working out and I feel like I'm taking control of myself again. When I was hiking and I cut all my hair off, didn't wear makeup, and often smelled pretty bad wearing the same clothes for a week, that started to break down my poor body image identity and I came to see myself as something else. I started to see my body for the physical vessel it is and became less and less concerned with my hangups. There was no daily concern for the trivial, and I was also utilizing this vessel in a new way than I ever had.
Okay, then I get pregnant and not only does this thinking continue (the physical vessel) but I get huge and have limited control as I watch myself expand. Over the last two years I have become very in tune to my body, watching myself get fit and then sort of going the opposite direction and negating that hard work. But, I accepted it and even found absolute beauty and love for the process and myself. Those hangups are still gone and I accept the flaws.

I am now seeing a difference in myself as things are getting back to 'normal' and I'm getting fit again. I see my body still as the physical vessel. I like working out and want to go everyday; I'm not joking. I think that this is going to be easy because I'm seeing things clearly. I'm not looking at myself with the guilt and self loathing that came so easily before. I don't feel as glutinous and think about food in a better way, as I did when I was hiking. I consider the nutritional value of what I'm eating (will this help or hurt me) and in the case that it isn't so great (but oh, so tasty) I think about how long I'll have to work it off for and that helps to just have a little instead of going overboard.

I feel like I had to put this down because food and body image has been a big problem for me for such a long time before and I'm very aware that things have changed. I'm not sure I would have come to where I am now if I hadn't come from where I've been.

After two solid weeks of real working out, I'm at 199! We aren't ever going back into the two hundreds again my friends! I love going to the gym. I want to go everyday and stay longer. I know you release endorphins and I'm really starting to understand how it can be an addiction. I feel amazing during and after working out and I love it. I'm so glad I made this commitment. My mental health has definitely improved as well. I just have a better attitude and feel good. Those first two shoddy weeks were like before; I didn't want to go but I forced myself to go and I felt like I was torturing myself. It is neat to just see the difference in my mind since then; and that was only 1 month ago. I should have done this sooner!